Reflection

   As I work on the journal entry about my husband's death, it brings back so much pent up emotion. I realize that everyone's realities and perspectives are so different during the same experience, and we attach our own capacity of understanding to these same events. But not only that, the interactions and familiarity we have with each other before major events affects the reality we feel during the incident. 

   As I have had to reflect back on Erick’s death, it’s like facing it for the first time. Although I have already written down bits and pieces over the years, I would not ‘go there’ too deeply because of the extreme anger I felt for many years, but did not understand why or where this anger came from. I tried to put up a strong front for the sake of my children, but it was only a façade, at least I think it was. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel confused about my emotions so writing about it is very helpful, though it is emotionally draining.

   This is Friday morning and the boys do not have school. I’m afraid we will have to turn on the air conditioning, for good, before too long, but I'm fighting it as long as possible- this is April, for Pete's sake! As I am typing away I am sitting in bed (6:30 a.m.) with my window open and listening to a very loud noise going on in the field behind our fence; new houses galore and it will be nice when they are done building so that I can hear the morning chirping of the birds again.

   Hansan helped me a whole bunch on our yard this week. We planted a shamel ash tree, another orange tree, a lilac bush, and a Mr. Lincoln tea rose bush. We haven’t planted the blackberry vine yet. I want to get our backyard looking better and have more shade so my children and grandchildren will like being here. I plan to devote more attention to the swimming pool area.

   Mom and Frank will arrive on Wednesday and I have a lot to do in our house before they arrive. We are looking forward to their visit.

   Xiaojun was proud to announce that Noel "was selected as one of the finalists of the International Youth Music Competition 2014". Noel practices very hard and I am not surprised. :-) 

Xiaojun and Noel. 

   This picture of Jackson is too cute and adorable not to save in my journal! I want to hold him! 

Picture taken on April 10, 2014  :-)