Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Wrinkled hands.

Here it is 4:30 a.m. and I find myself wanting to write. When I was younger, middle school age and into high school, I remember that writing about my thoughts and feelings was cathartic. I used to play around with writing poems. Over the years I'm not sure what happened to my many pages of journaling, but I find myself drawn back to it at this time in my life. It's still somewhat therapeutic and nowadays it's certainly much easier because of technology so why not take advantage of it. I have heard that some people find it comforting to talk to a tree, well, I suppose, this is my form of talking to a tree.

I will eventually try and share my life story. The only way I can think to do this is by sharing one story at a time, and not in sequence as it happened. I have a lot on my mind and I am going to try to make sense of some pretty harsh experiences, like the untimely deaths of my father, a sister, and my husband. There have been years of incest, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide, cheating, and lying. But there has also been resiliency, true joy, love, hope, faith, and the knowledge that no one gets through this life without experiencing deep valleys mixed with the upward feelings of heaven. We all have a story, and if we were to live the exact same experiences, we would have different perspectives on those same stories. Reality is individual.

Getting back to when I used to write poems, and I wrote a lot, here is one I remember that was a type of haiku:

"A wrinkled hand lay across the table; time had slipped swiftly through his fingers." 

And it has. I look at my hands and I wonder where the time has gone! My hands have wrinkles and sun spots and they look o-l-d-e-r, kind of like I'm ageing. I was living at home in Scotia, California only yesterday, it seems. Here I am, 58 years old; wow, time does fly.


Monday, February 17, 2014

Blooming Tulips

I have to share the blooming of my beautiful tulips. Unfortunately the picture is a little blurry, but they still look lovely. I wish they would stay fresh, but I will enjoy them while I can.  They remind me of a quote I really like: 

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer."  -Albert Camus, The Stranger



Saturday, February 15, 2014

Due in March!

Right now the twins and I are sitting here at Richard and Jena's apartment. She looks like she's about ready to POP with child. :-)  They are such a wonderful couple and their baby is due in less than a month. I can't wait! Can you imagine Richard with his own little one? He's going to make a great father, as well as Jena will make a great mother.



While we were visiting in Tuscan we drove up Mt. Lemmon and had a good time playing around for a few hours. It was a beautiful drive, and if you can believe it, while it was 80 degrees in Tuscan, there was snow to play in on the mountain. 




Here are some pictures I took during the baby shower luncheon I put on for Jena on Feb 8th. It was a cozy little occasion with Emrie, Cindy and me. We wish Xiaojun could have participated. I used my best China and seved a 4-course meal of (1. salad (which Emrie made); 2. lobster bisque; 3. salmon and asparagus; and 4. cheese cake served with blueberries and strawberries. Jena opened gifts and we had a fun time playing a game and talking women-to-women. We don't have enough girlie time together. 




Friday, February 14, 2014

Alligator Kisses

When our children were growing up I would give, what I labeled, an alligator kiss. It became a game. The moment I would say "time for an alligator kiss", the kids would either cover their ears, or run for cover. You see, it's not actually a "kiss", it's a little pinch on the tip of the lobe of the ear. They knew I meant it in love and teasing, and sometimes I still do it; hence, the title of this blog.

One of my sons, Tommy, called me one day, when he was still living in Maryland. He was attending law school at American University in Washington D.C. He has a beautiful wife and three children of his own. But he called to tell me that he remembered why family home evening and family prayer, and scripture study were so important to him. He realized it was because I had taught him. It brought tears to my eyes that he would call to specifically share this with me; kind of like, just maybe I did something right along the parental path.

It's easy to beat ourselves up as parents. Whether one has one child or nine, the challenges can be tough, yet the rewards are worth every tear when a child finally figures out who they truly are- this beautiful human being who has the greatest potential. As a parent, my greatest joy comes when a child is happy and knows what they want for their own path in life, and take the steps to attain their own goals by realizing that with God's help, they will attain their own true joy. We do not come with instruction booklets for each individual child, yet some how, it all comes together down the road of life.

Today is Valentine's Day. Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about Erick. He would usually have flowers sent to me, give me a heart box of chocolates, and take me out to dinner. One year we attended a big Valentine's Day party and Erick was asked to sing. He had a beautiful voice, to say the least. He sang love songs to me. He actually sang for all kinds of programs, weddings, choirs, and community affairs. After his death, for a few years, it was very emotional for me to listen to men's singing voices. I miss his voice, it was always like music to my ears, even when I was mad at him...

My brother had flowers sent to me today; beautiful tulips! I don't know what I'd do without him. Yesterday I visited with Emry (my sister-in-law) at their  home, and dropped off a bowl that I had made for Wayne while sitting on the beach side in Cozumel. She's a wonderful woman and I told her that I loved her and have always admired her. I love her personality.



My beautiful daughter and her family stopped by this evening and gave me this bouquet of flowers, too!


Thursday, February 13, 2014

Confiscated Oranges! :-(

Lately I have had the opportunity to go to Cozumel with my sister. She has generously invited me and paid my way. I couldn't believe it the first time she wanted to take me, and I enjoyed spending time with her. It was even more unbelievable when she asked me to go AGAIN within about a month from the first trip!- and she paid all my expenses AGAIN! Lucky me! 

The first time we went I met Pam and Mike in Dallas and we flew on into Cozumel on the same flight in FIRST CLASS, no less! First time ever, for me; I could easily be spoiled! The second time around, we traveled at different times to and from Mexico. Although one part of my flight from Phoenix to Dallas was a little bumpy, the trip to Cozumel was uneventful. I knew my way around enough in Cozumel that Pam did not meet me at the airport and I got myself to the hotel.

Unfortunately, I got caught with oranges through Mexico customs :-(  :-( . The oranges from our backyard have been absolutely heavenly. I made the mistake to post about my delicious citrus trees on Facebook and of course a couple of friends hinted at wanting some, and of course I was more than willing to share and show off their deliciousness. Emrie's family has enjoyed them too. Well, there weren't many left when I decided to be selfish and hide the last 8, but then I decided I should share more so stuffed them into my suitcase to allow Mike and Pam the privilege to each have ONE ..... ;-) . WELL, I had 2 in my backpack that I carried in flight but didn't have the good sense to eat on the way (I was worried about my fingernails). Of course once we landed in Mexico they checked my backpack and gave me the evil-eye and wanted to know if I had anymore oranges; well of course I piped up and admitted, proudly,that yes indeedy, I sure did have more in my checked bag! THEY CONFISCATED THEM! WAH! These oranges were like gold to me!!! I didn't know I couldn't bring them across the border. They apologized as they drooled. I begged them to p-l-e-a-s-e eat them because they were the best oranges on the face of this earth!! I could tell by the smug little looks in their greedy little eyes that they would enjoy them, so I'm thinking that at least they didn't go to waste. DARN IT! 

Dummy me! Since I have not traveled out of the country for many, many years, like our country, I didn't realize that other countries might not want our fresh produce to go into their country either! Dummy, dummy. Okay, so I guess it really isn't that big a deal, but at the time, I was a little shocked and I complained about the unfairness of it throughout the week! I'm over it now, though .... :-) 

Next year I am only going to share with Emrie!       ;-)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Mundane and Monotonous? Nah!

Wow, there are so many different aspects to life. Sometimes the day-to-day experiences seem mundane and monotonous; however, on second thought, it really isn't, at least I do not believe so. Every single day brings new challenges, thoughts, and situations, even though it might be a tiny difference.

My daughter has been stopping in 3 times weekly to take a little time in between carpooling to work with Masie on her math and reading. They usually spend about an hour here, and then take off to pick up Lyla and Lars from preschool and my house is a good median so Emrie doesn't have to drive all the way back home before pick-up time. It is very interesting to listen to them working together. Emrie is a good teacher and mother to her children. Some of how she responds to Masie and her lessons reminds me of when I worked with my children when they were younger. Life certainly goes round and round; the seemingly mundane and monotonous is really not so at all. It's all important and necessary every single day. It's these little episodes of every day occurrences that provides the major progressions down the road.

I have a beautiful daughter. I don't mean in outside appearance, though she is that, too; I mean from on the inside. She is compassionate, loyal, witty and feminine, and it's wonderful when she opens up to me and I can share things with her, too, in a different way than with the male species ;-). I feel very blessed that Emrie is in my life and I don't know what I'd do without her. I felt so lucky, blessed, and elated when she came along as my #2 baby- oh, she was so cute and lovely! I've got 8 very good boys, but Emrie is my flower.

(By the way, when I write these journal entries, sometimes I am in a big hurry and I don't go back and correct grammar or clarify thoughts, so please keep this in mind if ever anyone reads these notes; I wonder if someday my children will ever read this journal.)


Monday, February 10, 2014

In the Big Scheme of Life

In a meeting, recently, we talked about ways we are pulled away from what's most important in life. How technology, materialism, professions, or education, etc., can pull us away from time with our families. Of course we know that as women this doesn't mean that we have to put all of our personal interests on the back burner. However, I can tell you this, I did try to put raising my children at the forefront of my everyday life. Even though I chose this path, I am definitely not saying that one route in life is better than another because we are all different. I always wanted to be a wife and a mother before considering any profession outside the home; I yearned for it and I suppose it's one of the reasons we chose to have so many children.

Now I'm in school, just earned my bachelor's at the age of 58, and about to head into a master's program in May. Some women choose to get their education earlier in life and that's wonderful too, but like I said before, we each have our own roads to travel. Sometimes we do not realize why certain choices are made in someone else's life. The way we were raised makes a difference, too; the spirit in which we came to this earth life with is a factor. Erick and I taught our children that a college education is very important. I am thankful that my daughter took this to heart and earned a bachelor's degree early, but that doesn't mean that my path was wrong either, and besides that, I was not raised knowing how important an education can be; my parents didn't finish high school. I am very grateful that I've had the opportunity to go back to school at a later time, but it does not mean that I did the wrong thing by raising my family first or that another obtained her education first.

There are some who try to make you feel ashamed for liking technology because it can be one of those 'distractions', and I agree to a certain point. Obviously if I am ignoring my children, or not staying up with the laundry (etc) then it can get a little lopsided in life, but I do enjoy technology and enjoy living during this time when there is so much. I like computers and cell phones and Facebook, emailing, and texts. I love trying to keep up with the latest programs and love that a lot of my college education happens over the internet. I have seen some older people who can't get out of their homes enjoy the interaction with people through the internet; I love connecting with old friends and sharing family photos, and yes, bragging about my children, and showing off my grandchildren.

There are some women who would rather have a profession than stay at home raising children. There are some of us who would rather stay at home raising a family than have a profession. Some like technology, some hate it; some love to run, while others would rather walk- TO EACH HIS OWN. We need to give each other a break and not judge just because another chooses a different road.

Christmas pictures, and more to come ...



These were pictures taken at Christmas 2013. In order, going from left to right: Hansan, Tommy, Richard, Michael, Nathan, Emrie, Dallan, Timothy, and Taylor. My children are my joy and I love each one of them very, very much. Wish Nathan would let his hair grow out, though ... :-) Like Emrie has sad, "I miss Nathan's hair."