Saturday, June 9, 2018

Life is a blessing.

Wow, the last time I posted was in 2016. Life has certainly not stopped just because I haven't journaled.
Image result for picture of someone is distressI've been working for the Department of Child Safety for going on 3 years now. A shocking incident happened yesterday. One of the families I've been working with is a mom, dad, and two daughters. The girls are 11 and 7; very cute, smart children. The children were taken into DCS custody due to domestic violence and substance abuse. The police found the residence to be deplorable and called DCS to remove the children. At the time the police were called, the parents were in a domestic violence altercation and both of them were drunk. As time passed, I inherited the case as the ongoing case manager. Unfortunately, since the beginning of the case, the parents have not progressed in the behavioral changes necessary to ensure the children's safety and wellbeing. The parents still do the DV thing when they are together. The other night, the mom spent the night at the father's residence (they've been split up). I don't know what happened during the night, but the mom said she went to bed with music playing through her earphones until the next morning when she got up and found that father dead in the living room. He had hung himself. This is such a sad story. I was pretty shook up about it. The father had contacted me the day before requesting help with paying his rent. I told him that this wasn't a case where we could help because it wasn't the last barrier to reunification with his children since he was still testing positive for alcohol, and he was not homeless. You can't help but feel that every little thing added to his distress and feeling like he wanted to take his own life. It has given me pause to think about how our interactions with others might play on the choices they make down the road.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Mountain Out of a Molehill.

     I don't know where to begin. Two days ago I was an emotional mess; today I am not. What seemed to be a SERIOUS problem over the past 3 weeks ended up being a mountain made out of a molehill. I will not mention the source of this conflict, at this time, but a minor issue was definitely made into a major issue and exaggerated way out of proportion, which led to lack of sleep and emotional turmoil, with thoughts of being handcuffed and taken away at any moment and charged with a felony! Well, come to find out, it was not true. Now that I found relief, I have to stop and reflect on how I managed this "psychological thriller." I did not fair well during this rollercoaster of events. My reaction was more harmful than the false reporting. Although I had a right to be alarmed by the supposed charges, it did not help to let it get the best of me.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

More than A Person Can Withstand?

 I don't know.  It's been a while since I've been here. So much has happened since my last visit. I guess events that have occurred lately have driven me back to writing. Maybe it will be cathartic and help calm my nerves and mind. I'll have to tell you about it, but not tonight; it's late. Good night.

Sunday, October 12, 2014


Taylor is now an officially engaged young man. He will marry Samantha Lyn Harris on December 19, 2015. My son has found his eternal companion, his soulmate. They will marry in the Salt Lake Temple for time and all eternity.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Weekend Company

   I don't like sarcasm when it involves putting someone else down or making fun of someone behind their back. To me, sarcasm is a little more negatively slanted than teasing. I get the impression that some use sarcasm as a defense against low confidence by putting others down; someone who always has to be "right" even though they are definitely not. I love to tease, but if it is hurting someone then it is not funny or right. Some people confuse sarcasm with teasing, but in my mind they are two completely different attitudes. I think it's very sad when a family member cannot be happy for another family member's successes and aspirations. When something good is said about other family members, there always has to be a negative or a sarcastic remark in response while hiding behind attempting to be hopeful for them.

   I've had lots of company over the past 3 weekends. Michael and Kaitlin were here the first weekend. Michael brought Kaitlin home specifically so I could meet her and I like her a lot. I hope the situation moves forward for them.

   The next weekend Taylor came home with Samantha. She is wonderful, too, and perfect for Taylor. They will definitely be getting married and he will officially pop the "question" within a couple of weeks. It looks like they will marry around the 16th - 18th of December. Taylor is head over heels.

   This weekend Jena dropped Richie off at the Mesa airport on Friday and then she and Jackson are with us. It's been fun having Jackson all to ourselves. He's such a happy little guy and is cooing and squealing away at this point. They are going to church with us today. It's been good for the twins that Jena hangs out a bit with them.

   I started back to school at the end of August. After the grueling summer semester and the ensuing 2-week break, I guess it's time I get back into the swing. I have this semester and next semester before I graduate in April and I will never go to school again! :-) Of course I will never stop learning but I definitely won't miss doing homework. Homework assignments and due dates get pretty stressful at times.

   Earlier, on the same evening that I picked Taylor and Samantha up from the airport, I had an incident. I was sitting in bed, waiting for the time to go pick them up (around 10:30 p.m.), and my heart started racing. I tried to calm myself and not panic but started sweating and feeling a little funny - but not dizzy. After about 5 minutes of trying to take deep breaths to stay calm and hopefully stop the racing, I got up and went downstairs to be near the boys in case I fainted or something. I worked at staying calm and paying attention to my body. Dallan found my pulse in my neck and it was beating about 140 to 150 bpm. After about 15 minutes I decided to walk back upstairs. I was staying calm but was definitely worried. I walked slowly up the stairs, realizing that my heart was beating to fast for anymore exertion. Even though I took one step at a time, by the time I got up the stairs my heart was then feeling like it was pounding out of my chest. I sat back down on my bed to try and relax and stay calm. I started doing my homework again and after another 5 minutes my heart suddenly stopped beating so fast. It didn't slow down, it just went back to beating normally. This whole episode lasted about 20 minutes. This has happened 3 or 4 other times within the past year or so.

   I told the doctor about it at my appointment yesterday morning. I had to go in to find out results from blood, urine, ultrasound, and xrays she had done on me a couple of weeks earlier. She decided to run an EKG on me right there in the office. I thought she wouldn't find anything since I felt calm and relaxed during this visit. Unfortunately, the machine found that (in an unconfirmed report) that might have had a myocardial infarction sometime in the past. My heart beats are not normal and she is sending me to a cardiologist as soon as she can get me in. *sigh*

   Over the past 3 weeks I have lost 15 lbs. I am trying to take better care of myself. My stress levels get pretty high sometimes and I know this is not good for me either. I worried about the master's program being too stressful for me but figured that it would be okay as long as I attend to my health. I want to lose quite a bit more weight and also figure out how to chill and not be so worried about every little thing that comes along, including when my children are upset with me. I don't think they realize how much I worry about meeting their "needs" even when I can't because of my own schedule.

   I need to get ready for church - so, goodbye little journal.

Friday, September 5, 2014


     Life is very interesting. A person can say or see or hear the very same thing at the same time as others, yet all of these "others" will have a completely different perspective on what they see or understand in comparison to each other. I am listening to a couple of fellow students as they talk about using the word "ma'am". I would never be offended if someone addressed me with this word, but these girls are sounding indignant that anyone would refer to them this way. To me it's a sign of respect or speaking politely. Of course all words can be turned into an insult when used in a specific tone, but generally, I believe it is used out of politeness.

     "Excuse me, ma'am," the boy called out in a quiet voice.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

37 Years

   I have started a tradition. As I have already mentioned, today (July 26th - it's past midnight now so this will look like we went on the 27th) would be mine and Erick's 37th wedding anniversary. If he were here, of course we would have celebrated it in some way. So, Nathan, Cindy and I went to a Jersey Boys musical tonight. These are songs Erick used to sing, and I must add, he sang them much better than the cast that sang them tonight.

   After Erick died, it took me several years before I could listen to men's singing voices without crying. So tonight, the main thing I thought about was Erick and his voice. He had a beautiful voice and could have gone professional had he ever decided to, I totally believe.

   So, every year on our anniversary, I plan to do something that we would have done to celebrate it together.

   Happy anniversary, Erick.