Negative Noises

   I am feeling better, getting outside more, and am able to get some things done around the house and yard I haven't been able to get to since starting school; I'm feeling less stressed, and getting my mind and heart back into kilter. I believe I needed this little break from school, and it came just in time. With help, I figured out how to fix some health issues, and am on the road to restoring some important perspectives, and have turned down the internal negativity, and am taking better care of myself.

Getting outdoors and enjoying the beauty of this earth has always uplifted my spirits. 

So why did I stop?

   I am not sure how I got myself so far off track but in hindsight, once again, I couldn't see the forest through the trees. Until I started coming up out of the depths of depression (which I didn't realize I had), I had no idea I was so far down in the slumps. Every little thing in life seemed very hard and stressful.; leaving the house to go buy milk, getting dressed or taking a shower seemed like too much effort. I didn't want to see anyone or do anything, but I had to because my homework still needed to get done, and of course I needed to attend to my boys. Anything outside the four walls of my home was not appealing or welcome. I didn't want to talk or interact with friends and I certainly didn't want anyone to know that I couldn't handle most everything in life. My physical and spiritual energy seemed depleted, and the internal negative noise was louder than any other sound, beating me down even more.

   How does one get to this point and not realize what's going on?

  I have many blessings and one of them is my brother.

   I have a wonderful family, please don't misunderstand. My children would do anything for me when they realize I need or want something, but sometimes I hide my inner turmoils. Not only for my own sake, but for the sake of my children, I need to be healthy enough (spiritually, mentally, and physically) to be there for them, too. I'm sure that if Erick were still here, I could do more. There is definitely strength in team effort- two heads are better than one! :-)