Weekend Company

   I don't like sarcasm when it involves putting someone else down or making fun of someone behind their back. To me, sarcasm is a little more negatively slanted than teasing. I get the impression that some use sarcasm as a defense against low confidence by putting others down; someone who always has to be "right" even though they are definitely not. I love to tease, but if it is hurting someone then it is not funny or right. Some people confuse sarcasm with teasing, but in my mind they are two completely different attitudes. I think it's very sad when a family member cannot be happy for another family member's successes and aspirations. When something good is said about other family members, there always has to be a negative or a sarcastic remark in response while hiding behind attempting to be hopeful for them.

   I've had lots of company over the past 3 weekends. Michael and Kaitlin were here the first weekend. Michael brought Kaitlin home specifically so I could meet her and I like her a lot. I hope the situation moves forward for them.

   The next weekend Taylor came home with Samantha. She is wonderful, too, and perfect for Taylor. They will definitely be getting married and he will officially pop the "question" within a couple of weeks. It looks like they will marry around the 16th - 18th of December. Taylor is head over heels.

   This weekend Jena dropped Richie off at the Mesa airport on Friday and then she and Jackson are with us. It's been fun having Jackson all to ourselves. He's such a happy little guy and is cooing and squealing away at this point. They are going to church with us today. It's been good for the twins that Jena hangs out a bit with them.

   I started back to school at the end of August. After the grueling summer semester and the ensuing 2-week break, I guess it's time I get back into the swing. I have this semester and next semester before I graduate in April and I will never go to school again! :-) Of course I will never stop learning but I definitely won't miss doing homework. Homework assignments and due dates get pretty stressful at times.

   Earlier, on the same evening that I picked Taylor and Samantha up from the airport, I had an incident. I was sitting in bed, waiting for the time to go pick them up (around 10:30 p.m.), and my heart started racing. I tried to calm myself and not panic but started sweating and feeling a little funny - but not dizzy. After about 5 minutes of trying to take deep breaths to stay calm and hopefully stop the racing, I got up and went downstairs to be near the boys in case I fainted or something. I worked at staying calm and paying attention to my body. Dallan found my pulse in my neck and it was beating about 140 to 150 bpm. After about 15 minutes I decided to walk back upstairs. I was staying calm but was definitely worried. I walked slowly up the stairs, realizing that my heart was beating to fast for anymore exertion. Even though I took one step at a time, by the time I got up the stairs my heart was then feeling like it was pounding out of my chest. I sat back down on my bed to try and relax and stay calm. I started doing my homework again and after another 5 minutes my heart suddenly stopped beating so fast. It didn't slow down, it just went back to beating normally. This whole episode lasted about 20 minutes. This has happened 3 or 4 other times within the past year or so.

   I told the doctor about it at my appointment yesterday morning. I had to go in to find out results from blood, urine, ultrasound, and xrays she had done on me a couple of weeks earlier. She decided to run an EKG on me right there in the office. I thought she wouldn't find anything since I felt calm and relaxed during this visit. Unfortunately, the machine found that (in an unconfirmed report) that might have had a myocardial infarction sometime in the past. My heart beats are not normal and she is sending me to a cardiologist as soon as she can get me in. *sigh*

   Over the past 3 weeks I have lost 15 lbs. I am trying to take better care of myself. My stress levels get pretty high sometimes and I know this is not good for me either. I worried about the master's program being too stressful for me but figured that it would be okay as long as I attend to my health. I want to lose quite a bit more weight and also figure out how to chill and not be so worried about every little thing that comes along, including when my children are upset with me. I don't think they realize how much I worry about meeting their "needs" even when I can't because of my own schedule.

   I need to get ready for church - so, goodbye little journal.