Thoughts are swimming around in my head; I don't know where to begin, except that I want to write it down. I am thinking about our friends who died earlier this week from carbon monoxide poisoning and the funeral was yesterday; a mom, dad, and two boys, ages 12 and 14, while the two oldest children were away serving missions. I am thinking about a son who feels anger towards me for not helping his family enough. I am thinking about all the mistakes I've made and seem to continue making more. I am thinking about the wonderful sound the rain makes as it falls outside my bedroom window, a rain we've desperately needed. Why are the dripping sounds of rain so comforting? Is it because I grew up in northern California where it rained so much and then the earth smelled cleansed and like a new beginning, a fresh start? I miss the ocean and the rain and the gigantic redwoods, the smells of mother nature, the quiet walking paths where one can be all alone with the peaceful, beautiful outdoors.
The death of our friends reminds me of how it was when Erick died. Life goes on. People move on. The memories are there forever, but the world does not stop revolving. It continues on and on and on, even if you are stuck on the inside where no one notices. Life is eternal, no doubts, and we will see our loved ones again, but our earth life is a moment that seems like forever in itself.
Like I said, thoughts are swimming around in my head and there is so much I would like to express more concisely, but I cannot. I am hindered by my own inability of mechanical expression, but it is in my heart...
And you are in my heart, dear Parrish Family: Ian, Liam, Bill, Ross, Keegan, and Jensen.
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