The Big Dark Deception.

Something profound occurred to me this morning, at least profound for me. I have been deceiving myself throughout my life. I have all these internal struggles, worrying about everything imaginable, blaming myself for failures at every level, even little ones; I look in a mirror thinking I see myself clearly and not liking what I see, and heaven forbid if anyone else sees me! I avoid mirrors whenever possible, in fact, I hide; at least, I believed I was hiding ... but, is this the BIG lie? Have I been fooling myself throughout the years? Here I am, a 58-year-old woman and I am just now realizing the power of my own mind. The power of 'darkness', the product of my own negative vibes, that wants me to kick myself out the door and into the gutter, and there I lay, feeling sorry for myself for not being better down every avenue of life. Where did all this negative energy come from? I could give you a long list of what I think about that, but I am not going there right now. I will think on this more and come back at another time.

"I am by nature a dealer in words, and words are the most powerful drug known to humanity. " 
                     -Rudyard Kipling

2014

And here it is already 10 days into 2014! Christmas is over and another year begins. I'm trying to hurry and get this note posted before it passes into day 11 and I have 3 minutes! :-) It will be a beautiful year and I will share more tomorrow, but off to bed I go! Yay to a fresh, new year ...

Merry Christmas!

It's been a beautiful Christmas season despite that I got off to a very slow start. In fact, this is the latest I've ever, ever been with Christmas preparations. The boys and I didn't get the tree up until 2 days ago. Then, we didn't  bother to decorate the tree with anything but lights- no ornaments. But, one of my favorite decorations is our stockings and Michael did manage to hang them so it turned out perfect. The happiest part of this Christmas was the fact that every single one of my children and their families were here. We took family pictures to prove it. Xiaojun did the honors and she usually does a very good job.

My sister treated me to an 8-day trip to Cozumel, Mexico. Oh man, it was an experience. A few days before I left, I graduated with a Bachelor's in Social Work (BSW) so I was quite busy with ending classes plus finishing up my internship at NCADD.  The timing of this trip seemed a little stressful since I needed to accomplish so much knowing that all of my children would be here for Christmas. But low and behold, a few days before our departure I also came down with the flu, and let me tell you, it's not often I am in bed all day, but, I was in bed all day for about 3 days.

Thanksgiving in San Francisco

I am relieved to report that although we had two near-death experiences on our way to San Francisco for Thanksgiving, we are still alive! The day before we left, Hansan and Dallan got their driving permits and had never driven on the freeways before so they were excited about getting to drive as much as possible and I let them have one-hour turns; they did pretty good, considering. We almost collided with a semi-truck as we entered the freeway, and another time we almost ran into the back of a car as the highway traffic suddenly slowed down. Other than a few incidents of driving too far onto the shoulder of the road, and passing before looking over the shoulder, I stayed as calm as I possibly could, at least on the outside ... :-)

We had so much fun with Tommy and Xiaojun's family. One day we hiked through a forested trail and then played on the beach. We played plenty of cards and Wii when at the house. We also walked on the Oakland Temple grounds and went to an outdoor mall. There was a lot of good food and talking. It was good to meet Michael and Taylor there, too. Taylor brought a girlfriend named Melinda and rightfully figured out that she isn't for him. It was fun to spend time with my grandchildren while the others went to the theater to see the second part of Hunger Games. It was a very nice and relaxing, low-key visit.

I feel very blessed that all of us had a safe, fun trip. On the way home, Hansan drove about 375 miles and still wasn't tired. Dallan drove a couple of hours but was too tired to drive more. I can guess who has my driving blood running through their veins.

By the way, Timothy, as one of my single boys, was not with us on this trip because he spent Thanksgiving touring New York City with one of his buddies. He had a wonderful time, but we missed him! :-(

I am done with my bachelor's degree! Now onto the master's program!

Beautiful world.

I love this life. It is a beautiful world. I know there is a lot of sadness and suffering surrounding us, and some have it much harder than others, and it doesn't always seem fair. We were never promised a life free from challenges and heartache, but we were given a plan, an eternal plan, and if we know why we are here, that plan helps get us through this life with purpose. I cannot imagine not having an eternal perspective. I know who I am and why I am here. I know my Heavenly Father loves every single human being on this planet, and loves us so much that He sent His only Begotten Son to pave the way for us to return back to Him. I am thankful for His love.

Eagle Scouts!

Hansan and Dallan had a big week. Last Sunday they turned 16 but we didn't officially celebrate it until the older kids in the area could participate, which happened this Saturday, Nov. 16th. I made two chocolate sheet cakes and served sandwiches with chips to everyone.

During this past week, the twins not only turned 16, but also had their BSA Eagle reviews and passed, received their own little cell phones as a birthday present, were ordained as Priests by Nathan and Richard, received their PBs from Brother Lewis, and studied for their driving permits. 

Richard has lost weight. He's definitely looking on the thin side and his dress pants looked too big for him. He says he isn't purposely trying to lose weight and Jena says he's been stressed due to his medical classes and the fact that she's traveling to Phoenix so much because of her work. 

Jena's little tummy is definitely looking like baby is growing! :-) She's too cute. Hansan was able to feel his little nephew kicking. They are thinking about naming the baby Erick since he's a boy. This will be grandchild #12 for me. 

Yummy hamburgers on Veteran's Day.

     Nathan invited the boys and I over for a barbecue out to his place. His homemade hamburgers were scrumptious. Hansan and Dallan, you know, the boys with the hollow legs, ate two each.

     Cindy has a rash all over her body, and it seems almost like chick pox, but I don't think it is. She goes to the doctor tomorrow and I will be interested to find out what he says.

     The twins and I babysat for Emrie and Luke on Friday night for the first time at their new house. It's very nice but I keep thinking about all the work and expense to run a house of that size.

     My house is big enough for me and I wish it was smaller, however, I have a few kiddies so it's nice to have a little room when they come to visit. But I'm know I am spoiled. I should down-size. I have way too much STUFF. I need to throw or give 75% of it away.

     My van is making a grinding sound when I come to a stop. I know this is not a good thing! :-(

     There was no school for the boys because of Veteran's Day. I believe it is important to be reminded of all those who have helped to preserve our freedoms. Thank you, military men!