My Brother's Cabin

It was exhilarating as I hopped into my car, headed toward the mountains, and joyfully waved goodbye to the 115-degree temperatures of the Phoenix valley for a few days. As I sat outside in the cool morning air, I felt very thankful for the reprieve from the heat and thankful to have had access to such a beautiful area because of a beloved family member. A loud, overwhelming sound came from the cicadas that clicked and buzzed loudly nearby as if they owned this place. Interestingly,  the cicadas went silent all at the same time. I wondered how this is determined.  Guess they all found mates at the same time 😆 or something. Then it was so quiet it seemed I could hear myself think. Now, that's pretty scary 😂 and very enlightening. 

The Dime on My Bathroom Floor

     I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write about this, but it was spurred on by a dime that's been lying on my bathroom floor for a couple of weeks (Ok, I admit that it's probably been closer to a ). When I vacuum or mop, I've ignored it- the epitome of laziness. Well, this morning it reminded me of a nightmarish incident that happened years ago when my children were little. Michael (now 31) was the baby at the time and he was crawling all over the place. There was this penny on the floor in the doorway between the master bedroom and the hallway; it was lodged underneath the door, close to the side of the door hinges. Every time I walked past it I would hear this little internal voice warning me to pick it up, but for some strange reason, I didn't. Well, sure enough, eventually crawling Michael picked it up and stuck it into his mouth. I didn't see him pick it up or put it into his mouth, but when I saw him choking, I instantly knew what it was. I immediately picked him up and tried dislodging it only to make it worse. Thankfully Erick was home and he tried. To say the least, I was in panic mode as Michael was turning blue, and thankfully Erick was the rock. We lived across a field maybe 1/4 or 1/8 mile from the hospital, so Erick took off running with Michael over his shoulder, towards the hospital. As Erick was running across the field, the penny dislodged, likely from the jostle of Erick's running movements. Erick said he heard Michael take in a deep breath and begin to breathe. As Erick walked back to the house, he held Michael a little tighter than normal. To say the least, we were extremely relieved and so very grateful. I tend to be hard-headed at times and don't always pay attention to those "promptings" that help us to do the right thing, or to stay safe. I've learned to navigate promptings of the spirit better at certain times than others. The dime on my bathroom floor caused me to stop and reflect. Have I been listening to that small, little voice lately? I know we all get them, every day, in fact. Is there something I should be doing, or someone who needs me? Ok, well, I picked the dime up from off my bathroom floor this morning.

Feelings of anxiety are a constant struggle. I find myself hiding from the world whenever possible. However, I'm able to work with colleagues and families  on my caseload, yet I find myself running from friends at church- what is that about? I am almost positive this is some kind of unreasonable expectation I have within myself. I read an article that sums up what might be at the root of this anxiety: 

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     "In addition to extreme avoidance of anxiety-filled situations, several human traits come together in a 'perfect storm' to create debilitating anxiety: biological vulnerability to anxiety, coupled with stress; worry; distorted perception and thinking; perfectionism; excessive niceness; and unresolved regrets." 

Journaling and Anxiety

The twins began attending the singles ward for church today but before they left, they went to church with me in our normal family ward. During Sacrament a lady gave a talk about writing in journals. She reminded us of good points about journaling, advising to write at least once a month, or even once a year. Journaling can help us put thoughts and life into a healthy perspective. I had never thought about journaling for mental health. I have experienced anxiety over the past few years, sometimes very debilitating. I was reading an article recently about how exercise and healthy eating might help it. Maybe journaling can be a helpful tool for my stress and anxiety. My anxiety causes stress and then I fall into ruminating. Maybe journaling will help minimize my anxiety through a little more focus and examination of the root causes. I need to shift my thoughts to a more empowered and action-oriented path. Let this be the beginning of better journaling!

Honorable Return

     





















A beautiful thing happened during August 2018. Our babies, Hansan and Dallan, arrived home from serving the Lord with all their might, mind, and hearts for 2 full years.  Hansan served in the Chile Osorno Mission, and Dallan served in Spain Madrid Mission. It has been an interesting two years as the boys have sent weekly emails sharing  mission stories and the love they have for the people of Chile and Spain. Because of an app called "WhatsApp", they are able to continue a relationship with friends from both countries. The special aspect of their return is that Dallan's mission president helped the boys to meet up in Dallas before flying in on the same plane into Phoenix. Hansan flew into Dallas 8 hours before Dallan. I flew into Dallas to spend that layover time with Hansan and waited for Dallan with him. All three of us were able to sit together on the flight into Phoenix. It was a joy as I watch my boys greet and hug each other at the Dallas airport for the first time in 2 years! It was seriously a tear-jerker. 

All of my children showed up for the twins' return. Everyone except Xiaojun, Noel, Brickman and Lincoln were able to greet them as they flew into the Phoenix airport. Let it be known that I am posting the group picture but I don't like it that Xiaojun and children were missing in the picture. Thankfully everyone will be here for Thanksgiving and we can get a picture of the whole family. 

Life is a blessing.

Wow, the last time I posted was in 2016. Life has certainly not stopped just because I haven't journaled.
I've been working for the Department of Child Safety for going on 3 years now. A shocking incident happened yesterday. One of the families I've been working with is a mom, dad, and two daughters. The girls are 11 and 7; very cute, smart children. The children were taken into DCS custody due to domestic violence and substance abuse. The police found the residence to be deplorable and called DCS to remove the children. At the time the police were called, the parents were in a domestic violence altercation and both of them were drunk. As time passed, I inherited the case as the ongoing case manager. Unfortunately, since the beginning of the case, the parents have not progressed in the behavioral changes necessary to ensure the children's safety and wellbeing. The parents still do the DV thing when they are together. The other night, the mom spent the night at the father's residence (they've been split up). I don't know what happened during the night, but the mom said she went to bed with music playing through her earphones until the next morning when she got up and found that father dead in the living room. He had hung himself. This is such a sad story. I was pretty shook up about it. The father had contacted me the day before requesting help with paying his rent. I told him that this wasn't a case where we could help because it wasn't the last barrier to reunification with his children since he was still testing positive for alcohol, and he was not homeless. You can't help but feel that every little thing added to his distress and feeling like he wanted to take his own life. It has given me pause to think about how our interactions with others might play on the choices they make down the road.

Mountain Out of a Molehill.

     I don't know where to begin. Two days ago I was an emotional mess; today I am not. What seemed to be a SERIOUS problem over the past 3 weeks ended up being a mountain made out of a molehill. I will not mention the source of this conflict, at this time, but a minor issue was definitely made into a major issue and exaggerated way out of proportion, which led to lack of sleep and emotional turmoil, with thoughts of being handcuffed and taken away at any moment and charged with a felony! Well, come to find out, it was not true. Now that I found relief, I have to stop and reflect on how I managed this "psychological thriller." I did not fair well during this rollercoaster of events. My reaction was more harmful than the false reporting. Although I had a right to be alarmed by the supposed charges, it did not help to let it get the best of me.